


One Way or Another

by JoliChose



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Break Up, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Inspired by La La Land (2016), Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Music, Musicians
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-18
Updated: 2019-12-18
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:27:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21852196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JoliChose/pseuds/JoliChose
Summary: Jon found out he lost his feelings for his girlfriend. He was lost too, but the end of a story is the beginning of another one...
Relationships: Dodie Clark/Jon Cozart, Dodie Clark/Original Female Character(s), Jon Cozart/Thomas Sanders
Kudos: 12





	One Way or Another

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Love On The Land](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/543256) by Editing Is Everything. 



Jon stared at Dodie, his girlfriend, sleeping next to him. She was one of the few person who was always there for him. Just seeing her smile or hearing a laugh could calm Jon’s anxiety and god—he loved her voice. She had an amazing voice, so sweet and soft, and when she sang, when they both sang together, those were the moment he felt the most relaxed. He had loved her sincerely, with all his heart, but as he watched her in their shared bed, he knew it wasn’t the same anymore. He wasn’t bored, he still liked to hang out with her and sing with her, but it wasn’t the same feeling. He hated himself for that because he knew she was still loving him. He would stay quiet about that, as much as he could, and make her happy. Still... he didn’t sleep well.  
The next day, Dodie woke him with a sweet kiss on the cheek and told him :  
“The breakfast’s ready, sleepyhead.”  
She laughed when he grunted, so he forgave her. He got out of the bed and followed her to their kitchen. He sat at the counter and didn’t speak.  
“Are you okay ? Dodie asked, concerned.  
-Yeah, just—I had trouble sleeping last night...”  
She nodded with a sweet smile and finished her plate. Jon washed the dishes when he finished too.  
They went out to the park because it was autumn and, let’s be real, it was the best time of the year. The tree leaves in red and brown shades were laying on the floor. The people around them were covered with jackets and scarves. A soft wind was blowing from the east. They had everything to be happy... Their hands were closed as they walked down the street. Dodie took his hand. It was sweaty, but she didn’t mind, she still wanted to feel his skin against hers. They arrived at the park, where people were mostly walking their dogs and children were playing with the leaves. They bought two coffees at the shop near and sat on a bench.  
“Mh, you will take a nap this afternoon, Dodie said to her boyfriend, noticing how troubled he was.  
-Yes, I’m just not feeling good today.”  
But she knew he was lying. He didn’t find out he had no love left for his girlfriend by simply waking up a morning. It happened gradually, days after days. So she already knew. She knew something was wrong, that he wasn’t sick or something. But she hoped it would eventually go better.  
It didn’t. Jon didn’t talk for the entire day, slept too much and got insomnia at night. He still went to work the next day in the bar he was performing in. That was a moment of relief for him, because his passion – music – could take over and make him forget his failed relationship. The moon was rising and he was still playing at the piano, singing his favourite and less favourite songs. Someone caught his attention. A guy, standing across the piano, arms crossed on his chest and leaning on the wall. He was lip-syncing to the songs – his songs, the songs he wrote himself. He looked at him for a moment before returning to his job, trying to forget him.  
When he got home, Dodie was already there. She smiled at him – she always smile – and asked gently :  
“How was it ?  
-That was... that was great...”  
He stared at her for a moment, then continued :  
“I think I did great, except when a drunk guy spilled bear on my chair... he laughed. But the security kicked him out quickly. Can you believe that people know my songs now ? I mean, it should be usual customers, but I saw a guy singing the lyrics perfectly.”  
He sat on the couch, next to her. Dodie turned off the TV she was watching to listen to her boyfriend, laughing too.  
“You’re getting famous ! Maybe you should try auditions again.”  
He nodded.  
“Yeah, that’s a great idea... And you, your day ? he asked.”  
He was genuinely interested and that made him smile in his soul. Maybe there still was love...

The next day, when Jon prepared to go to work, Dodie asked him if she could come. It was a day when she didn’t work, and she really wanted to hear him play and sing again. He accepted and they both when to the bar where Jon worked. They had to split up for a moment, during which she bought a glass of wine, before he could come and sat at the piano. For once, he looked at the people around him. He wouldn’t do it usually because of his social anxiety, but his girlfriend was there. It was easier. He also saw the guy who was singing the day before. As he stared insistently, Dodie looked up to the guy. He was talking with a very tall man. She took her glass and left the bar to stand next to them.  
Jon started to play. The first song he did wasn’t one of his, it was a cover of A Nightingale Sang in Berkeley Square. It was smooth, to start the evening, and he was focused, but it only lasted a few songs. He started looking more and more in the guy’s direction. At the end of the fifth song, he froze for a few seconds : his girlfriend was talking with him. He looked away and continued working. He still glanced at them with a weird feeling and he was uncomfortable.  
Three people joined him when he finished playing : Dodie, and the two guys that seem to be her friends now.  
“That was wonderful, she said. Wine ?  
-Thanks.”  
He took the glass she gave him and drank.  
“My name is Thomas, the guy he stared at introduced himself.”  
He lifted his hand and Jon shook it.  
“Jon Cozart. And you ? he asked the third person.  
-Oh—hum, Leo.”  
Jon nodded and smiled at him. He was visibly uncomfortable too.  
“How much do you get from this ? Thomas demanded with no filter.  
-Why, you wanna try ? the musician teased him.  
-Ugh, well, no, I don’t know how to play piano...  
-He’s a guitarist, Dodie clarified.  
-From time to time, but I’d rather not play any instrument while singing, Thomas added.”  
Jon what he was feeling. It was jealousy. He smiled.  
“Oh, I can understand that, Dodie doesn’t like it too.  
-Shush ! she laughed, poking him on the side.”  
They all laughed together and continued talking until Leo asked Thomas to go home because he was tired. Dodie turned to her boyfriend.  
“They’re nice...  
-Yeah, it’s cool talking to them, Jon acquiesced.  
-And they’re pretty...  
-What ?  
-What what ? I saw how you look at Thomas...”  
Jon sighed, but tried to smile to not look mad.  
“It’s only because he’s the guy I told you about, singing my songs.  
-Mmh...”  
Dodie wasn’t convinced, but she didn’t argue. Instead, she said :  
“We should talk about it, you know. What’s going on between us.  
-We’re already together—  
-You know what I’m talking about, she cut him off.”  
Jon sighed again.  
“Not here then.”  
She nodded.  
The couple got home too quickly for Jon. He didn’t want to have this discussion, he was afraid about how it could turn. He was afraid to make her cry. He didn’t want to talk about that. He wanted to play again and sing until the sun rises so they wouldn’t have to talk about it and he would have been able to forget that he was a jerk who was hurting his girlfriend whatever he did. They sat at their dining table, face to face, and said nothing for a whole minute.  
“Do you have something to say ? Dodie finally broke the silence.”  
Jon didn’t answer. He was trying to find his words and she let him. When he did, he said with a low voice :  
“Honestly, I don’t know what’s happening... I just... It feels so weird...  
-What does feel weird ?  
-Ugh, you and me... I... I don’t want to talk about it.  
-But I want to. Jon, we can’t continue like this, I know there’s something wrong.”  
He put his head in his hands and rested his forehead on the table.  
“Ugh... It’s just... I think I...”  
He couldn’t say it. He wanted to cry.  
“I think I don’t love you anymore, his voice broke.”  
He was crying and repeating “I’m sorry” over and over again. Dodie cried too, but she still put a hand on his arm to reassure him.  
“It’s okay...  
-How so ?  
-It happens. You should have tell me...  
-I’m sorry, he apologised again.”  
They stayed in silence, tears streaming down their faces. Then Jon lifted his head and saw Dodie crying. He stood up and joined her to hug her.  
“I wish it would have gone better between us.  
-I wish it too... but it happens.  
-You keep repeating that like it’s nothing, Dodie, but I know it’s not.”  
Once again, nobody talked for a moment, before Jon asked :  
“What are we going to do, now ?  
-I think I will go back to my parents, she said.  
-No ! You can keep the apartment ! I mean, that’s the least I con do to redeem myself...  
-Where will you go ? Dodie demanded out of concern.  
-I don’t know yet... I’ll ask my friends... Malinda once told me that I could sleep on her couch anytime.”  
His girlfriend nodded.  
“Fine, okay, good for you... she hesitated. Hum, you can stay until you have all your things packed, you know... I don’t really mind. I’m not kicking you.”  
Jon looked at her for a moment, visibly surprised.  
“What ? Did I say something wrong ? she asked.  
-No, it’s quite the opposite, he laughed nervously. It’s just... I don’t know what I thought, I was afraid you would yell at me, tried to get me back or something like that...  
-I do want to yell, yes...”  
They both laughed light-heartedly, before Dodie pursued :  
“... but I won’t try to get you back if you don’t love me anymore. I’m not a monster—  
-I never said you were ! Jon panicked.  
-I know... but I’m not that desperate. I do love you and it hurts to let you go, but it will hurt us both. What can I do, seriously ? It would hurt me to keep things like they are knowing it’s not the case for you, and I don’t want you to feel trapped here while you can live something else somewhere else. I can too. That’s why it’s better if we break up.”  
There was a silence. It wasn’t really uncomfortable, but they still both wanted to cry.  
“You’re amazing... he whispered.”  
Dodie laughed nervously.  
“Thanks... You too, you know.”  
He murmured a soft “not as much as you” before taking a step back.  
“I should pack up, then.”  
But he stood there for a moment. Dodie didn’t look up at him at all, she waited for him to disappear in their bedroom to shift up. She sat back on the couch and turned on the TV so it was louder than her thoughts.  
Jon stared at his clothes, the bag on the floor, his clothes again, then the bag... He sat in front of the closet and shifted his knees against his chest, hugging them. He rested his head on top of them and sighed heavily. He closed his eyes and his mind went off. When he opened his eyes again, Dodie was against him, sleeping, her hand gently rested on his. He must have been sleeping too, then... He slightly moved and that woke her up.  
“Oh, sorry ! she apologised. I—I don’t have any good reason to... hum... that. Except that I wanted to sleep with you.”  
He laughed nervously, because he found out cute but always was blaming himself and he didn’t know how to put it in words without sounding rude.  
“Well, I shouldn’t have fallen asleep, but it looks like I was more exhausted than I thought.  
-Get some rest that isn’t sitting on the floor and having an existencial crisis to sleep. Like on a real bed, Dodie begged him, concerned for his health.  
-You’re right...  
-I’ll pack your clothes if you—  
-No ! Jon cut her off. I’ll do it. After but I’ll do it, don’t bother.”  
She nodded with a soft smile.  
“Okay. Sleep tight.”  
She kissed his forehead like he was some child and honestly that was how he felt considering how lost he was. He put off his pants and went under the covers of the bed, falling asleep really quickly...  
For Dodie, the whole situation was happening very quickly and she was overwhelmed by all the emotions she felt. They were doing together, and it hadn’t only been a day since their couple was falling apart, but still, it was too fast. So she cried again, on the couch, and she called one of her friends to come and be with her. The TV was off, she waited in silence until a gentle knock on the door made her wash her tears and lift up quickly. She opened to Tessa who hugged her right away.  
“I’m sorry...  
-It’s okay, Dodie answered.  
-Where is Jon ? Tessa asked.”  
Her friend showed the bedroom’s door.  
“He’s sleeping over there. Do you want some tea ?  
-Yeah, but I’ll make it.”  
Dodie wanted to protest but she was forced to sit so she had no choice. Tessa came back with two cups of green tea and sat besides her. They drank together before they continued chatting :  
“So, how do you feel about all of that ?  
-I... don’t know, to be honest... Dodie answered. I think I’m glad we sorted things out.  
-You aren’t sad ? her friend demanded, genuinely surprised.  
-Oh, yes I am, she laughed. But I don’t want to continue the relationship this way... First because it hurts him, and second it hurts me too. These past weeks, I saw how uncomfortable he was near me pretending to love me, I noticed the little attention he paid to me, he was so distant I missed him, and he was next to me the while time...  
-I’m sorry, a masculine voice erupted.”  
Jon was standing at the bedroom’s door. He looked like a child who knew he had done something wrong. Dodie froze and stared at him. She couldn’t think of something to say.  
“I’m sorry I couldn’t continue, that can’t love you like you love me. I wish—let me try again...”  
She shook her head, crying.  
“No, I don’t want to... I want to move forward, that’s what you need too...”  
Tessa removed herself from the conversation and watched them silently. But Jon didn’t answer. He just disappeared, crying too, to pack his bag. Well, he lived in this apartment for more than three years, so it was more three bags and a suitcase : the suitcase and one bag for his clothes, another bag for his ukulele and the last one for the rest of his things. He had to leave the piano. That wasn’t much for him honestly... He took them all and stepped out to Tessa and Dodie talking, drinking tea and low-key crying. As he reached for the door, Dodie stood up and almost ran to him. She wrapped her arms around him and he had no other choice than hugging her back.  
“It’s okay, I’ll call you when I’ll be.. somewhere.  
-You better, she laughed.”  
They stepped back and there was an awkward silence.  
“Goodbye, then, Jon finally said.  
-Yeah, goodbye, Dodie acquiesced.”  
She kissed him on the cheek and he kissed her too, before stepping out. As he entered the lift, his heart felt immensely empty...

Jon called Malinda, his friend, to ask for a somewhere to sleep, but she didn’t have any place. It took him a moment, after the call, to realise he was homeless. He could go back to his apartment, but he didn’t want to. So he went to the bar where he was working and dumped his bags and suitcase here. He got his ukulele out of the bag and started playing, because he was just getting more and more anxious and he had to calm himself. At least nobody disturbed him, not even the bar’s owner. He was glad to have her as his boss, even though he knew he wouldn’t be able to stay here forever. He had to find something, but what ? He didn’t know. And before he could think about it, it was already the time to work. Thomas wasn’t there when he sat at the piano and he was shaking. He still got the work done. All night, he played, but it was more for himself than for his public now. When he stopped, Thomas wasn’t there, Dodie neither. He sighed, grabbed his partitions and went back to his room. A plate of salad was waiting for him there, something the waiter had bring from the kitchen. He smiled and ate it because that was the first thing he had eat this whole day. Then he slept on the couch.

At six the next morning, Jon was already up. He played ukulele again because he couldn’t get out – he didn’t have the keys – and he didn’t mind really. When the owner got up and opened, around eleven, he went in the streets just to walk around. It wasn’t planned, he didn’t even look at where he was going. It freed his mind. Then he got back, happier. He had the time to think. It was better this way, as Dodie said. She always was the voice of truth. But he was still lost. Where was he going now ? He should search for a new apartment, but with his only salary, it wasn’t enough. He still tried it, though. For a few days, during which Thomas didn’t show up too.  
Jon stayed at the bar for his free day. He didn’t work, but he gave himself some time to drink and try to talk to people, but it wasn’t a success. He hated almost everyone in the room right away and he was just passive-aggressively attacking them. He was a little bit tipsy when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He wasn’t surprised until he turned over and saw the only person he wanted to see : Thomas.  
“Hey, what are doing here ? he asked. You’re not working tonight...  
-Yeah, that means I can drink, Jon justified himself.  
-You don’t look okay, his interlocutor noticed.  
-Because I’m not, he laughed nervously.”  
Thomas finished the glass he had in his hand.  
“That makes the two of us.”  
Jon imitated him.  
“Why are you sad ?  
-I’m not sad, I’m just at the bottom of my life, Thomas chuckled. Leo and I broke up.  
-You were in a relationship with Leo ?? Jon asked, surprised.”  
His friend sighed. He was tired to come out over and over again.  
“Hum, sorry, Jon apologised before he could say anything. I should have known, I’m bisexual, but I don’t pay that much attention to that kind of things...  
-Oh, okay, hum, well, I’m gay, the other stuttered out of surprise.”  
A woman next to them turned around and stared with wide eyes.  
“What ? Did you just discover people can be gay ? Jon said bitterly, unimpressed.”  
She stood up and started to walk away.  
“Yeah, go live your heterosexual life somewhere else ! He shouted at her.”  
Thomas bite his lower lip.  
“Hum, Jon, you don’t have to be mean...  
-What ? She was probably a homophobe, don’t blame me when she was the bad guy here !”  
He was getting angry at nothing because of the alcohol and his friend knew that.  
“Okay, that’s it, no more drink, Thomas decided.”  
Jon mumbled something and sighed.  
“You should go home, the other continued.  
-My home’s here now...  
-What ?  
-We broke up with Dodie. I left her the apartment, thinking a friend would let her couch for me but for an unknown reason she can’t so I’m here sleeping on the couch on the bar where I work and I’m realising that I probably won’t be able to buy or rent a new apartment !”  
Thomas blinked twice, not knowing what to answer first, before pulling put his phone.  
“Well, I can’t have someone over at my house either, but I think my friend Jay can...  
-Wait—You’ll ask you friend for a home for me ?  
-Yeah, I won’t let you down in this situation.”  
Jon was almost crying because he was particularly vulnerable this night and Thomas was being so friendly and all—fuck it, he was crying while Thomas was calling Jay. When he hung up, he was smiling brightly.  
“You have a roof for tonight.  
-Really ?!  
-Yeah, she’s picking you up right now.”  
Jon sighed again.  
“Okay... I’ll take my bags.  
-I’ll help you.”  
Thomas followed him behind to his room. He looked around. It was small and it looked like almost all the furniture weren’t new. They looked pretty much older than them. They took all the bags and Jon stumbled in the hallway to get out – the alcohol was really getting him.  
Jay was already there when they got out, standing next to her car. She opened her boot while commenting :  
“You better be quiet while sleeping...  
-Depending on if I have insomnia or not, Jon answered defiantly.”  
He didn’t mind the fact she didn’t introduce herself – she knew it wasn’t useful : Thomas already told him about her – nor said hello – what she said was funnier.  
“Are you sleepwalking ? she asked.  
-Nope, I won’t try to kill you in your sleep.  
-Perfect. Know that if you talk, I’ll record you in order to embarrass you.”  
Thomas laughed loudly.  
“She’s very good at that.”  
Thomas then said goodbye to them, because the bags were in the car, and let them go. Jon and Jay continued to talk as if they were old friends, with defiance, some insults and complicity. That was just how Jay was...

Thomas got back home alone. He sighed at the sight of his house. It looked so empty without Leo’s stuff. But he still smiled, because he knew his ex was happier. Maybe not now, not this night. But he will. They will both have a life without fight nor argument. It was the right thing to do, even if his heart ached. To be honest, he was even glad that was over and he tried to think of something else. Better than that, he thought of someone else. A certain blond guy who plays piano and sings for a living... No need to say he liked him a lot, but he didn’t want to explore those feelings now, because it was too soon and he knew himself. He would grow dependent on Jon. That wasn’t something he wanted. He would take his time, if there is anything to happen.  
He went to bed without, for once since the break up, this sad feeling compressing his chest. He was fine. Not particularly happy, not particularly sad. Just fine. He closed his eyes, but this neutrality didn’t stop Thomas from having nightmares...

Jon woke up early in the morning. He slept for three hours but a nightmare got him up. He didn’t understand it as it was mostly a succession of distorted memories. Dodie, his brother, Thomas, the bar’s owner, his parents, his first love, Dodie again, Jay for some reasons, his dead aunt he loved very much as a kid, Malinda, Thomas again... All those people in different places : the park where he usually walked with Dodie, his childhood house, the bar, the street he lived in, the apartment he used to share with Dodie... Except that everything had a darker tone. There was no sound. Just a distant noise continuously hurting his ears. He thought he recognised blood in the darkness, but maybe it wasn’t. He was so confused.  
Jon woke up disturbed. He stood up, looked around for a moment, holding his breath for no reason. He sat down and breathed slowly, trying to think clearly. Then he stood up again but the whole room span. He fell back on the couch with a loud noise that awoken Jay. She arrived in the living room half-asleep and looked at Jon.  
“Are you okay ?  
-Yeah, it’s just dizziness... he mumbled against the fabric.”  
She sighed.  
“Did you eat yesterday ?  
-At noon yes.  
-Not in the evening ? And you drank ?  
-Stop reprimanding me like I’m a child.  
-That’s what you are.”  
They both laughed.  
“No ! Jon protested.  
-Go back to sleep, now, Jay let off.”  
He nodded and waited for her to go back to her bedroom before laying on the couch again. He had trouble falling asleep but he did.  
The next morning, when Jon woke up, Jay was already up making breakfast.  
“Hurry up sleepyhead, I gotta go to work.”  
He thanked her while coming to the counter.  
“I’ll wash the dishes, he said.  
-You better, Jay warned him. Oh and by the way, I also go by Jo and he/him pronouns in case you wanna change around.”  
He froze for a moment. He had just woke up and did a real effort to understand what she was saying. Then it tilted in his head, he nodded.  
“Oh, okay Jo.”  
Jo smiled while putting his jacket on and taking his bag.  
“I leave you the keys, don’t mess with me.  
-Don’t worry about that, Jon answered.”  
Jo left in a hurry, leaving Jon alone. He finished his breakfast and washed the dishes right after. After that, because he didn’t quite know what to do, he searched for an audition and he found one – two weeks to wait.

Thomas hesitated for almost two weeks before actually going back to the bar. He didn’t why it was such a big deal for him – but it was. He came back in a colourful shirt with black jeans, his hair flattened toward the back of his head and even a little bit of make-up – he had to deal with insomnia and let’s say it, the dark rings under his eyes weren’t pretty. He wanted to impress Jon in some way like he had been impressed himself every time he heard him sing and play. He could sing too, but he didn’t want to draw the attention. He sat at a table not too near the piano and waited for Jon to show up. He looked anxious but as he scanned the public and saw Thomas, he was relieved. They stared for a moment at each other, smiling, then the music started and Jon never gazed at him again : he was focused on the songs. He played until his hands and back hurt then he ended the show. Thomas walked to him and leaned on the piano.  
“It’s been a while, Jon commented.  
-Two weeks, did you miss me ? Thomas grinned.  
-I’m pretty sure you missed me.  
-That wasn’t the question.  
-Jo is pretty cool, I like his apartment, the pianist said instead.”  
Thomas sighed with a smile. He won’t have an answer and he knew damn well what it implied.  
“Is his couch comfortable ?  
-More than the bar’s couch, Jon joked.”  
Then he became serious again.  
“But I can’t stay there. I need money to find my own apartment.  
-Where will you find it ? his friend asked.  
-Auditions. I found one for tomorrow, I’m pretty stressed.”  
Thomas opened his eyes wide in surprise. He had an audition too. He said nothing but couldn’t hide a smile. What if it was for the same show ? That would be fun...  
“I’m sure you’ll be okay, you’re amazing ! But if you want, if you’re too stressed, you can... I don’t know, call me...”  
Jon laughed nervously.  
“Thank you, that would be great.”  
He handed his phone over to Thomas for him to enter his number while cleaning the piano. Thomas did it and double checked the number before handing it back.  
“I know how it is. I also have social anxiety... Thomas said with a nervous smile.   
-Really ?! You... don’t look anxious at all...  
-Right now, I don’t, but watch me in a crowd of people I don’t know, all by myself... That’s not the same.”  
They both awkwardly laughed and walked to the bar – even though Jon only drank water.  
The next day, when Jon arrived at the audition place, he was stressed as hell. He managed to keep his breath under control though. He sat down the farthest away from anyone and started sending messages to Thomas.  
 _Hey_  
 _I’m at the audition_  
 _And I feel like I’m about to DIE_  
He waited for an answer, staring at the screen.  
 _It’s gonna be okay_  
 _You have an amazing voice and amazing skills ! Let the music flows through you_  
 _And at least you’re not LATE LIKE ME_  
Jon chuckled at the last message.  
 _You don’t have enough anxiety to make you arrive almost an hour before it starts_  
He waited again, but the answer was faster to come.  
 _I think I have enough thank you_  
Jon laughed quietly again. The discussion went on and on until someone comes to sit next to the already nervous man. He started to freak out because he didn’t hear him, but when he lifted his eyes, he saw Thomas smiling at him.  
“YOU FREAK ! Jon shouted before lowering his voice because everyone was watching them. You frightened me you moron !  
-Sorry, it wasn’t my purpose... How do you feel ?  
-Now ? A little better...”  
The pianist smiled shyly to the other man as they continued their conversation.

The audition went well for both guys, but Jon still felt he was about to collapse when he went out. Thomas, who was waiting for him because he already passed it, smiled at him and, taking him by the arm, they went to a bar to “relieve the anxiety” as the singer said. They sat indoors because it was too cold and asked for two coffees.  
“How was it ? Thomas asked for the first time since Jon stepped out of the audition’s room.  
-Better than expected. I relaxed enough so my voice didn’t shake. And you ?  
-I think I did pretty well... I hope we’ll both be taken.”  
Jon chuckled nervously.  
“I don’t think I will...”  
Thomas gave him a judgemental stare before softening.  
“Why ?  
-Better than expected doesn’t mean that I did well.”  
Thomas sighed.  
“Hey, listen, I know it’s hard to be in front of people here to judge you, but they’re used to anxious or stressed people, they judge your performance, not your mood. If they see that you succeeded in distressing, even just for when you sang or acted, it means you have a chance just like the others who are confident.  
-Ugh, well, I don’t know what to say...  
-If it can reassure you, I must have looked as stressed as you when I entered the room, I just try to keep the positive instead of the negative. If it doesn’t work for today, you’ll do better next time.”  
Jon smiled fondly.  
“Thank you Thomas.”  
Coffees arrived and they both started to drink, continuously talking.

Dodie didn’t go to the bar for two months because she was still healing. The whole time, a friend of her was staying at her apartment : Aya. They were pretty close like they always have been and she helped Dodie a lot, maybe even more than what she thought. She had someone with whom I can spend time without necessarily feeling weird because no one’s talking. Silence was sweet, Aya was even sweeter and she was slowly healing... Maybe Aya was too sweet because Dodie had a hard time trying not to fall in love with her. She did, eventually, after the two months, but she didn’t say anything. She wasn’t ready yet to try something but they hung around together, sometimes as if it was romantic dates – because it’s still fun, pretending – but most of the time as friends. When she had healed, Dodie was finally okay to go to this certain bar again.  
Aya and she went there, an evening of december. It was decorated with all these Christmas lights and a fake tree underneath which there was fake gifts. The piano had a beautiful string of lights in red and green. They came before Jon started, so he wasn’t there yet and it was a relieve : one step at the time. They drank something without alcohol and sat at a table in a corner where it was darker. Dodie looked around and saw Thomas, leaning against a wall, staring at the piano as if he was only waiting for Jon. Then he came, in what looks like a suit with Christmas pattern on it – something way much louder than what he usually wears. She chuckled and watched him sitting at the piano and preparing his songs. It was like an old memory that never really died. When they left each other’s life as partners, it was still the same and she was glad. She listened to what he played with much more interest than the last times, like it was something new again. She remembered it well, when they first settled together. He had just been asked to play there almost every night and he said yes without any hesitation, despite her being more cautious about that. They were living between boxes and unpainted walls of a small apartment outside the city centre. It was a great time and she surprisingly didn’t mind it was over. She still got to listen to him play in the evening, she still got to talk to him, hang out with him if he was ready. The biggest change was that they didn’t share the other’s intimacy anymore.  
When he had finished, Jon went back in his room. Thomas followed him.  
“Everyone liked your new song, he smiled.  
-Dorothy is here, the musician panicked.  
-Dorothy ? Oh, Dodie !  
-Yes, Dodie.”  
Jon sat on the couch and rubbed his face with his hands.  
“Is there something wrong ?  
-It’s just that—there is still the culpability I feel... he sighed. I want her to be happy.  
-She seemed happy with the girl she was with. And I think she wants to talk to you, Thomas added when he turned the head to see the two women talking to the owner, trying to get a pass to the backstage.  
-What ??”  
Jon stood up and ran to the hallway. Dodie turned her head and saw him. She smiled and waved shyly. Her ex boyfriend sighed again.  
“You should go, Thomas said.  
-Can you come ?”  
He acquiesced and Jon smiled. They approached the little group. The owner look at her employee and let them to return at her work.  
“Hi, the blond man said.  
-Hi, Dodie answered. How are you ?  
-Well, hum, better. I got better thanks to Thomas. And you ?  
-I’m better too, thanks to Aya.”  
She pointed her only to see she was already talking with Thomas. They were already goofing and laughing together. The ex couple smiled and turned back to each other.  
“I’m sorry I didn’t came before, Dodie apologised.  
-You came when you could. It’s better.  
-So we’re good now ?  
-Yeah, yeah we are !  
-Perfect, she sighed. So, anything new ?”  
Jon smiled, kind of excited to tell her :  
“I’ll be playing in the next musical here.  
-Oh my god, that’s so great !!”  
Dodie hugged him and, even though he was a bit confused, he held her back.  
“That’s awesome ! she exclaimed again.”  
He laughed.  
“Indeed. And Thomas will be here too.  
-You guys will act together ? Aya let out. Dodie, we need to go.”  
The said Dodie chuckled.  
“We will.  
-Nice to know, Thomas smiled.”  
Jon looked at his clothes. He hadn’t had the time to change.  
“Hum, sorry but I gotta put casual clothes on.  
-You hate that, don’t you ? Dodie asked, smiling, because she knew how much he preferred discrete things – at least to go out.  
-Kinda, yeah...”  
He waved at the group awkwardly and went back in his room. Thomas didn’t follow him, talking with Aya and Dodie.  
When he was in a better outfit, he stepped in the bar and looked for his friends. Thomas saw him and waved at him. They were sitting at the counter, already drinking. He joined them and asked for water. He didn’t feel like drinking alcohol.  
“So, are you guys... Aya finally asked.”  
Thomas laughed and Jon was uneasy.  
“No, we’re not together, the former finally answered.”  
Jon didn’t say anything and looked at his glass. He was more thinking than being sad, because he wasn’t someone who falls in love easily – Dodie was his first lover – but Thomas... he was so great in everything. So nice and generous, so talented with his voice, so funny too.  
“Jon ? Dodie called him.”  
He emerged from his thoughts.  
“Yeah ?  
-Are you with us ?  
-Oh, yes, I’m okay, he reassured her.”  
Thomas stared at him for a moment.  
“Do you want me to call Jay ?  
-No, it’s okay, Jon smiled. “  
Thomas still seemed concerned though, and as they continued talking, he kept looking at him to make sure he was okay.  
After an hour or two, Dodie and Aya quitted the bar to come back at their place. Jon was very tired and Thomas offered to drive him home.  
“I don’t wanna wake up Jay, she works early tomorrow...  
-Would you be ok to sleep at my place ?”  
It was the first time he was offering that and Jon considered it for a solid minute. It was funny, how comfortable he was to sleep in the same apartment as someone he didn’t know that much, but when it came to Thomas it was more complicated. For him, at least, because for Thomas it felt natural.  
“Okay, thank you, Jon answered.”  
They drove to Thomas’ house in a district outside the city. It was a nice place, with a lot of plants around – they even passed by a lake – and quite pretty houses. Thomas parked his car in front of one of them and opened Jon’s door.  
“Here we are, he smiled.”  
They stepped inside and the host was already reaching for a blanket.  
“Hum, I didn’t change my bed sheets, do you want me to do so ? he asked.  
-You only have one bed ?  
-Yeah, but I’ll sleep on the couch, don’t worry.”  
Jon didn’t quite know what to do.  
“No, I’ll take the couch, he said.”  
Thomas laughed. He was confused.  
“You’ve been sleeping on a couch for the past two months, I can sleep on my couch for a night.  
-I’d rather sleep in the same bed with you than having you sleep on the couch.”  
Thomas froze and looked at him. He was blushing, but he didn’t say anything about that.  
“Well, okay, but I’ll change my bed sheets then.  
-I’ll help you.”  
Jon followed Thomas upstairs. It could have been quick, but they started a pillow fight because Jon tripped and hit Thomas with the one he had in his hands. They ended up on the bed, Jon under Thomas, both of them blushing but laughing to hard to question the situation. Thomas rolled next to his friends and tried to calm himself. He looked at Jon, who stared back, stopping his laughs. They stayed like that for a few seconds before laughing again.  
“I didn’t mean to hit you with the pillow ! Jon let out with indignation.  
-Yeah, yeah, I believe you, Thomas laughed.  
-But I assure you !”  
They gazed into each other eyes again, still laughing a little. They didn’t stop, this time, until Jon approached his face to Thomas’.  
“Wait, the latter said. Do you want it ?”  
Jon seemed unsure, as if he had only realised what he was doing. He looked down, then up again, and smiled shyly.  
“Yes.”  
He kissed Thomas, placing a hand on his newly lover’s heart. They kissed for a long moment, before they broke apart.  
“You should go to sleep. You are tired.”  
Jon nodded with a laugh and stood up. Thomas showed him the bathroom and he stepped in, locking the door behind him.  
A few minutes later, the two men were lying next to each other in the bed. There was no touch because Jon didn’t want to – yet. Still, there were light kisses before Thomas whispered a “sleep tight” that made his lover smile. They stayed on their sides of the bed and closed their eyes.  
“Good night Thomas...  
-Good night.”  
That was the first time Jon slept with someone since his breakup and it felt a bit weird – mostly because of the snoring that could be heard. But he slept well.

Winter faded and with that April came. It was Jon’s birthday month and his now boyfriend knew that. They were together for five months, celebrated Christmas and the New Years Eve in the same house and were ready for Easter. But what Jon didn’t know was that Thomas had prepared everything for his birthday... When he came home, Thomas intercepted him.  
“Wait ! he said.  
-What ?  
-I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday and to tell you that I love you.”  
Jon blushed.  
“Thanks...”  
His boyfriend moved aside so he could walk in.  
“SURPRISE !”  
He froze and watched his friends jumping out of where they were hiding, with huge smiles. There were Dodie, Aya, Jo, Joan, Talyn, Malinda and Leo – wasn’t he Thomas’ ex ? He embraced each one of them, took his time to discuss and thanked Thomas.  
“Oh, to be honest, Dodie and Aya helped me a lot...  
-Actually, Dodie did the most, Aya objected.”  
She put her hand on her waist.  
“Isn’t my girlfriend wonderful ? she had.  
-Wait... no way... You’re together ?! Jon exclaimed.”  
Dodie nodded with a smile and they hugged.  
“I’m so happy for you, he said.  
-I’m so happy for you too... she answered.”  
He was glad she was there. He was glad for all his friends. And most importantly, he was glad to be with Thomas. It was the best birthday of his life.

_A year later..._

Jon was stressed as hell. He was in his tuxedo, rearranging it again and again.  
“It’s gonna be okay, Dodie said to reassure him.  
-Yeah, except if you trip and fall on your way—  
-Aya, she warned her.”  
The forenamed rolled her eyes. Jon smiled stressfully.  
“Want a hug ? his friend asked.”  
He nodded so she gave him a hug.  
“I’m glad you’re here, he let out.  
-I’m happy you asked me to be your best woman.”  
It was the best choice. The best and only one, Jon knew it.


End file.
